Ghost Lovers

how many women have I loved who no longer exist
or at least are no longer the people I fell in love
with who exist only in my own mind as
memories now; or they have died
or live on other continents too
far away to ever see again
or have married and born
children or remarried
once again forgetting me
and busied themselves
with other people and
obsessions and pay
not a second’s
thought to this
man they left
behind whom
they once
made love
to one hundred and one
times and swore our fidelity
and felicity would never
end because that
seems to be
what we
all claim
to want
it’s not that I expect the
fantasy brides of my youth
to stay the same forever
or never change or
grow but what
they invariably
grow into
is never
any longer
whom I fell in
love with nor do
they want to be
God bless them all…
I guess it’s something
wrong with me that our love
does not evolve together or ever
in the the same direction like two horses
saddled to the same cart but pulling in different
directions, I see these happily married couples for fifty
years or read their obituaries at least and I just sit there
dumbfounded wondering how in hell they did it…
my lovers are all ghosts or is it I
who am their incubus…
or was just their
gigolo only we
didn’t know it
at the time
what did
they
take
from me
which I can
no longer find
called feelings