Sometimes the time for talking fades and silence reigns
and in those moments I try to staunch the pain of
memories of things I left undone especially
between lovers, friends and relatives
who no longer deign to speak to me
it makes me wonder what it is
they fall in love with which
always ends the same
way in silence
do I make
a mirror
a chance to
show me the love
they are capable of
only to find out they cannot
be faithful to themselves because
that is not really what they want or who
they are and things have changed, why is
it so hard for me to let go of things that others
find no trouble with at all or so they pretend to
make it seem, do the ones who whispered they
loved me in their sleep lose any for me at all now
I wonder how many times a day or a week or a month
they think about me, especially the ones who have died
and crossed to the other side, is it each time my nose itches
or each time I sneeze or is it when I find myself thinking of them
I wonder, how do you really stop loving someone, how does it turn
to hate or worse still indifference, do you remember the name of every
person you have slept with, if not how much have you cheapened life by
erasing them like just another notch in your gun and make no mistake about
it women do it too, not just men, we take what we want from others and then move
on and only lust and long for the ones we cannot have and mistake their cruelty for
sophistication and a goal to conquer but how do you conquer a heart if there isn’t one there to begin with, what is it that makes persons into such willing victims
a lack of self respect, who do they ever have an honest relationship with in
the end if they even lie to themselves, I wonder who qualifies for their
friendship, anyone? Or do they spend their lives alone hiding
their losses and disappointments from the world as they
pretend to be superior to their fellow man or woman
it seems there is not enough humility to go around
like a wolf with a piece of fleece in his mouth
we must slowly wade into the water while
the fleas from the dogs we lay down
with slowly work their way towards
that fleece until only our nose
and mouth are above water
and once all the fleas are
upon the fleece we let
it go, catharsis is
what we need
old habits
die hard

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