Hedeyat I’m Not

One spring morning the sky fell down upon my head
cutting me into a thousand tiny pieces until
I woke up from a dream I’d been
dreaming all my life until then
that love would always win
out in the end but now
I’ve learned to give
up even that
myth
we
were
all taught
in childhood
and all the aching
suffering souls around
me hiss at me “So what?!”
What does it matter now that
I have become old and ever so
tiresome; the only door back inside
my dignity is to help others and think
not about myself all the time and the rest
will come whenever the time is finally right
for spring when all this hot cold hot cold March
April May battle between winter and spring will end
and I will find peace laying flowers upon my mother’s
grave to match the ones that mask my long dead heart
while it only goes through the motions of beating without
meaning it any more than the ponderous swinging back and forth
of a pendulum in an old clock on the mantle of our home of memories
grown cold before the thaw ever reached this dark side of the night fall
the shadow world where all doubts go to harbor and overtake your self control